Dear Herb:

hey perb, ahem... herb, you claim you're not gay but then why did you have cyber sex with me, a 12 yr old boy? I feel used

--submissive pat


Dear pat:

Unfortunately, when you're committed to having sex with thousands of women every day, it's hard to reach 100% customer satisfaction. Am I gay? No. Am I a pedophile? Not since Lindsay Lohan turned 18. My lawyers have requested that I not comment further on the subject, but I suggest you start using the name "submissive patrick" from now on.