World-renowned cybersex expert Herb Zipper
answers your questions about life, love, and
getting your mega-nut on.

Have a question for Herb? Click here to e-mail him!

hey babiiiiiI!111!!!.

3 big kawaii desu! big sexy donno!! Sekushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. buttsecks? hai! kthnxbai.


Dear ami_fails:

You wrote:

>buttsecks? hai!

Translation: Hello Buttsex. Forget Hello Kitty, now there's an adorable Japanese cartoon character I can relate to!

Dear Herb:

I told you I was only 10, why did you cyber rape me? I am telling my mom, I cannot get the image of your nasty dirty tighty whities out of my head. Ahhhhh... Pervert!


Dear tiffany:

I am so, so sorry. Unfortunately when you're servicing thousands of cyber-lovahs every day, quality control tends to suffer. Please put your mom on so I can also apologize to her. And have her send a picture.

Dear Herb,

I think you are the sex master. Chiao!


Dear Mellisa:

Come back anytime! My cybersex center is open 24/7, thanks to the magic of outsourcing. IM operators from India, the land of the Kama Sutra, are standing by. They don't call it BANG-alore for nothing!


Have you had physical sex?


Dear Louie:

If by "physical sex," you mean that messy, sweaty, confusing bother from back in the early '90s, the answer is a proud NO. Next are you going to ask if I've ever ridden in a horse and carriage?

dear faggot:

..taht is your name right?..lawl

anyway i think u are gay...cuzz i had cyber sex with u three times..and i said i was a guy like 10 times and u continues beating off to me...even though nothing was going on....i find this pretty dam cyber sex. if u cant fuck a real girl..dont fuck one at all!!!!



Dear michaelln60:

I checked my cybersex logs and you were listed as "michelln60," hence the confusion. Gotta watch those typos. And everyone knows that you roll a six-sided die three times for a maximum score of 18 in dexterity. Who's the fool now? Oh no, he didn't. Oh yes, I did.

hey herb:

if you are so ugly how come you get so many people to have sex with you ???


Dear cinlall3:

It's not what's on the outside that counts. It's what you fool them to think is on the outside.

Dear Herb:

i'm speechless and breathless, thanks babe, way better than b.o.b.!!!!


Dear dorie_here:

Wow! That's high praise. B.O.B. was one of EA's greatest games. Someday I hope to be better than Archon.

Dear Herb:

hah thats awesome dude. btw you really live at home as an age 40 ?. And are you still a really virgin? very good video and cool :D i have tried some cybersex myself too but it feels so weird that i will get confused very easily and just stop that thing. in real life i'v had sex and it feels great :) dunno then that if u done it right in internet, you can maximize the pleasure on the same level as real sex... well you'r the expert and know the tricks :)


Dear razer1:

If you're getting confused, you're probably not doing it right. Just remember, it's all in the wrist.

Dear Herb:

shave ya tash u specky goofy twat haha ya mum a slut who got bummed in town in the toilets haha

--bow woof

Dear bow woof:

I know for a fact that my moustache happens to make me look very handsome. My mom would never lie to me.

Dear Herb:

no make it last longer and make it more fun and also do more things


Dear lucinda:

"Do more things." I remember that one from back in the analog days. Sorry, sister, but I do one thing and I do it right: masturbate in front of a computer screen. You don't like it, there are plenty of other ladies in my queue.

Dear Herb:

I am happey having dozens of promiscuous sexual (as in real sex) with dozens of young women. Why should i start doing cybersex?


Dear hahaha:

Dozens, you say? I have sex with dozens of young women every minute, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Ain't laughing anymore, are ya, Mister Ha Ha Ha.

Dear Herb:

I'm gay but I type like a lady would you like to cyber dump on my chest. Please say yes big hunka man shit

--Interested in Indiana

Dear Interested in Indiana:

Somehow, taking a cyber-dump on a man's chest seems a little weird. Now, if there are any ladies out there, that's another story! I just had a plate of nachos supreme and a bran muffin, if that sweetens the pot for anyone.

Dear Herb:



Dear George:

Wow, that's quite a response. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but as they say, "one man's meat can be another man's poison." In other words, I don't do dudes. Unless they have gender-neutral usernames and I'm in a hurry. (That means you, Fran78. Stop emailing me.)

Dear Herb:

What was the IM Program you used?


Dear Bob:

I use the industry-standard IM program, AIM. I believe this is an acronym for "Aid in Masturbation." It's provided for free by a great organization called AOL, known primarily as a distributor of coasters by mail. No more water rings on the desk--Mom can't yell at me anymore. Thanks AOL!

Dear Herb:

Herb you bastard you came before I did, how am I suposed to come by myself you selfish no good lover. It was great till you stopped I need more attention


Dear Shona:

As you discovered, it generally takes me 15 to 30 seconds to consummate a relationship. What can I say? I'm good at what I do. If you can't keep up, don't play with the big boys.

Dear Herb:



Dear SEXY:

Because I deal in high volume, it's impossible to have sex "in person." I also find human contact to be highly overrated.

hey herb:

just to let u know that iv just finished having cybersex with u and it was great.plz get in touch so we can do it for real next time.
luv ya


Dear suz:

So you really want to meet me? To make love to me and hold me tight? Establish an emotional connection with me? Ugh. Sounds terrible. Sorry, sister, but your quaint notions of corporeal sex are hopelessly naive. Roll over, Wilt Chamberlain, cybersex is here to stay. Civilization embraced the McDonald's drive-thru and never looked back, so why should it be different with sex?

Hi herb:

i'd just like to thank you! I have been doing it all wrong. Now i know my hand is just as good as the next girls.

High self-esteem is what i have.

Thank you Herb.


Dear Gorman:

You shouldn't trust just anyone with your special private areas. I treat mine like I treat my mint-condition Blue Series Star Wars trading cards: nobody touches them but me.

Hello Herb,

My bf has naked chicks on his computer , does that mean he doesnt love me or does he find other women attractive.


Dear Rachel:

If having pictures of naked chicks on your computer was a crime, I'd be serving 20 consecutive life sentences. Of course he loves you. And of course he finds other women attractive.


Hola me gustaria ser tu amigo & platicar por Msn mesenger mi msn es [screenname withheld]. Esta cool la pagina y el video sta Divertido :p


Dear Jesus:

If that IS your real name. Frankly, I don't buy it. Not that I know what Jesus would do, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be having cybersex.

hy herb:

can you make a new video? This video is realy funny,but every the same vidio is boring,please make a new as so fast as you can.

PS:I'm from austria,please vorgive my english.

Thanks herb


Dear fuckmyhard:

People think that I do nothing but sit around all day and masturbate. And they're right. The point is that it keeps me far too busy to attend to things like personal hygiene and video updates.

Hi Herb,

am erik, Walka's brotha. Our parents were poor, so when were childs, we had the same room. Of course we discored early that we were gay and we hadnt lot of friends, so we had good time but incestuous things. Now, juste like u we live with tirezia our mother. She is old now, but, we love her, not just u should love your mother... I think we have the ......
oedipus complex! what do u think we should do ?

P.S (like the french say) : we have watched u a lot, u've really a big dick
oh!! mine goes up, Herb

Hey Herb !!
I am bloodhoundgang fan too !


Dear erik:

Thanks for your kind words, especially those about the size of my penis. Guess those hours with the Photoshop tutorial really paid off! About your mother, then...just how old is she? Is she hot?

Dear Herb:

how do u eat someone out online? how is it different from in real life?


Dear questionativeskaterchic:

In cyberspace, this is as easy as typing the words "I'M EATING YOU OUT." You ask how this is different from in "real life." I'm not sure.

Dear Herb:

Why dont u put a woman on cybersex and send me her picture (or atleast post it on the sight)

--No one you Know

Dear No one you Know:

No can do. As the proverb goes:

"Give a man a JPEG and he masturbates for a day. Teach a man how to have cybersex and he masturbates for a lifetime."

Hi herb,

i have a problem with my conscience. whenever i make love to my boyfried i feel guilty afterwards but then the feeling goes away till next time we make love. what should i do


Dear Janet:

There's a simple solution to your problem: Have sex with me. Your guilt about your boyfriend will pale in comparison. And I'll get to have sex with you.

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